Unrealistic Perfection in Media Leads to Religious Perfectionism

God has a “growth mindset!” He sees our mistakes as opportunities for growth. He loves effort. He celebrates progress.

Peggy McFarland LCPC

When girls see air brushed photos of models with flawless, glowing skin, they truly believe that it is possible to attain this unrealistic perfectionism. Photos of media models are so fake they don’t even have pores! Nonetheless, girls carry these images in their minds, unconsciously hearing a nagging voice that says, “I just can’t measure up.”

Sadly, the theme of “I can’t measure up,” carries over into their relationship with God. Instead of a loving Father, God becomes a demanding parent who is focused on flawless performance. In the mind of a girl suffering from perfectionism, grace is replaced with shame. Much of the anxiety and depression we observe in Christian girls today comes from “religious perfectionism.”

What can we do to challenge religious perfectionism? How can we create more grace and less shame? We can understand God’s true design for our lives. God has a “growth mindset!” He sees our mistakes as opportunities for growth. He loves effort. He celebrates progress.

A MUST READ book which helped me to understand God’s grace better is Mindset by Carol Dweck, PhD. Ironically, this is not a religious book, but it has helped me to have some profound spiritual paradigm shifts about my relationship with God and my approach to life. This book invites the reader to recognize two different vantage points, “fixed mindset” versus “growth mindset.” (p. 33).

It’s not enough to look smart and talented. You have to be pretty much flawless. And you have to be flawless right away…The fixed mindset does not allow people the luxury of becoming. They have to already be.

Mindset, p. 24-25.

Even with a growth mindset, failure can be a painful experience. But it doesn’t define you. It’s a problem to be faced, dealt with, and learned from.

Mindset, p. 33.

Adopting a “growth mindset” in our families can help girls to overcome their natural tendency for “black and white thinking.” It is common for girls to “overgeneralize” their experiences: “I failed a test, therefore, I’m a failure as a student.” Healthy Transitions for Girls offers activities to help girls to challenge perfectionistic self-talk and honor their spiritual natures.

We all need to become more comfortable making mistakes because our lives will be full of them. And God is there to walk with us every step of the way.