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How Do I Help A Child Who Is Confused About Gender?
With your constructive love, help, honesty, and supportgrowth is possible. David Pruden, MS, There is an epidemic of kids who feel they were “born in the wrong body.” This dramatic increase in kids who believe they are transgender is a social contagion. They are being …
Unrealistic Perfection in Media Leads to Religious Perfectionism
God has a “growth mindset!” He sees our mistakes as opportunities for growth. He loves effort. He celebrates progress.
Peggy McFarland LCPC
When girls see air brushed photos of models with flawless, glowing skin, they truly believe that it is possible to attain this unrealistic perfectionism. Photos of media models are so fake they don’t even have pores! Nonetheless, girls carry these images in their minds, unconsciously hearing a nagging voice that says, “I just can’t measure up.”
Sadly, the theme of “I can’t measure up,” carries over into their relationship with God. Instead of a loving Father, God becomes a demanding parent who is focused on flawless performance. In the mind of a girl suffering from perfectionism, grace is replaced with shame. Much of the anxiety and depression we observe in Christian girls today comes from “religious perfectionism.”
What can we do to challenge religious perfectionism? How can we create more grace and less shame? We can understand God’s true design for our lives. God has a “growth mindset!” He sees our mistakes as opportunities for growth. He loves effort. He celebrates progress.
A MUST READ book which helped me to understand God’s grace better is Mindset by Carol Dweck, PhD. Ironically, this is not a religious book, but it has helped me to have some profound spiritual paradigm shifts about my relationship with God and my approach to life. This book invites the reader to recognize two different vantage points, “fixed mindset” versus “growth mindset.” (p. 33).
It’s not enough to look smart and talented. You have to be pretty much flawless. And you have to be flawless right away…The fixed mindset does not allow people the luxury of becoming. They have to already be.
Mindset, p. 24-25.
Even with a growth mindset, failure can be a painful experience. But it doesn’t define you. It’s a problem to be faced, dealt with, and learned from.
Mindset, p. 33.
Adopting a “growth mindset” in our families can help girls to overcome their natural tendency for “black and white thinking.” It is common for girls to “overgeneralize” their experiences: “I failed a test, therefore, I’m a failure as a student.” Healthy Transitions for Girls offers activities to help girls to challenge perfectionistic self-talk and honor their spiritual natures.
We all need to become more comfortable making mistakes because our lives will be full of them. And God is there to walk with us every step of the way.
Protect the Girls You Love from Harmful Media Messages
SAY STOP. Give harmful media “the hand” as I show in my video. SPEAK UP. When you see a magazine cover that parades women’s scantily-clad bodies, SPEAK UP: “Honey, that’s not how women should be valued.” When she is selecting movies, say “No” if casual …
Can You Be “Gay” and A Faithful Christian?
You may face the crisis of a daughter who is questioning her sexual identity. Although my work is focused on helping girls, I am offering a couple of messages from Charlie Bird’s book, Behind the Mask. Charlie offers a path for other Christian/Latter-day Saint youth …
Same-Sex Attraction Resources
If you are like me, you have people you love who experience same-sex attraction, and you wonder how you can help. “Where can I find resources that are compassionate, but don’t promote exploitation and casual sex?”
Or maybe, you are experiencing same-sex attraction and feel conflicted about your religious values. “Where can I go for support?” Do you know that same sex attraction is not always a one-size-fits-all issue? Perhaps you relate to this man’s story.
As a master’s student, I was so thankful to find credible science on same-sex attraction that supported true principles and avoided the harmful myths of today’s academia. The “Journal of Human Sexuality” published by The Alliance for Scientific Research and Therapeutic Choice is an invaluable resource for professionals and students. This organization also has a referral service for professional help.
Cultivate a “Seed of Greatness” in Your Child
We want our children to believe in their inherent worth.” How do we cultivate that deep, inner sense that they are beloved children of God? Nathan Mitchell* explains how to cultivate a “seed of greatness” in your child. Let’s say your child, Suzy, is chronically …
4 Foolproof Ways Your Daughter Can Learn To Conquer Peer Pressure
Sadly, it’s a “mean girl world,” and our kids need support to fight the pressures and pitfalls. Peggy McFarland LCPC 1. Resist making popularity her main goal. It’s a dead-end competition that will constantly leave her feeling insecure. Find groups that are based upon shared interests, …
How Do You Define “Success” When Children Rebel?
This video offers a grace-filled paradigm shift that will both challenge your thinking and warm your soul. It features Nathan Mitchel, a social worker and clinical director of the Anasazi Foundation.
I thought my job as a parent was to get my children to make good choices. However, in those parenting moments that have “wrenched my very heartstrings” and brought me to my knees, God has shown me that my job is to learn to love my children as He loves my children. That puts the focus back on my relationship with my child, and less on how my child performs. My goal is to parent from my best self through the guidance and grace of God, regardless of the choices my children make.
Social Media “Crocodiles” are in “The Swamp”
This video shocked me, and I’m a professional who shouldn’t be shocked. You may be tempted to avoid this evil, but the Lord has counsel for mothers who must raise children in a depraved world. “Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst …